Inquisition ended

So, I finally stopped pissing around in DAI long enough to finish the main story line. I think that Mr. Fluffy may have tried to record me. I was talking a major butt load of crap to the characters.

*Warning!* Some minor spoilers ahead!


Ok so without giving away too much (because you know, it all depends on the narrative you took), I had a few choice words with Miss Morrigan-I-can-match-the-dragon's-power. I was doing my thing, she was doing hers killing a dragon, then BAM! Bitch gets taken down mid fight.

We went into this with a plan woman!

So yeah, I had to fight the dragon and the big baddie boss. I was not a happy person. Mr. Fluffy kept giggling at me while I kept yelling about how these other supposed bad-ass characters couldn't hold up their end of the plan and I was having to pick up their slack.

So finally beat the dragon down and got back to the big baddie fight. Beat him down and paraded my happy little butt around Skyhold and had a very nice final scene *wink wink*

Hell yeah, bow down peasants 

All in all, I liked it alot. Now I am going to continue the craziness and do it again, but this time whole new race, class and going to choose templars over the mages. We will see how well I do a second time :D

I woke up in Silent Hill...........

I live in the South. Fog here is not a common sight, which is too bad because I LOVE it. Just as much as I love rain. I am just not at all into cold weather. My friend calls me the reptile do to my need to have it constantly warm.

For the past few weeks it has just been a little freezing rain and snow with a lot of ice. I want to make this clear for anyone not in the South. It is NOT the snow that shuts us down, but the ice underneath it. I believe we had a total of 200 wrecks in just a matter of a few days in the town I live in because of icy roads. Combine that with the fact that there is a plethora of idiotic drivers in this town and shit gets real, but I am digressing.

So after all this snow and ice I have been waking up to, we finally got fog this morning.

There are buildings and trees on the other side of that fence

It was Glorious

Ah! Another living soul!

I was enjoying every lovely, creepy minute of it.

I feel like something should be jumping out at me

I was wondering where this guy was though

http://marcoscapella.deviantart.com/art/Cosplay-Pyramid-Head-in-Santos-Brazil-377896690

Face meet palm

At work and phone is ringing.

Me: Hello this is *_______* how can I help you?

Client: Um yeah I need to ask a question right?

Me: Ok, what is it that you need to know?

Client: So I am calling for my friend right?

Me: *silence*

Client: She can't speak English right?

Me: (Thinking about this time that neither can the person on the phone.)

Client: So I am calling about her daughter right? I think she needs shots right? But like they have never called her to remind her she does right?

Me: (this is just too much for me to deal with in my current mood) I am going to transfer you now, please hold.

*my head promptly met keyboard*

This is unfortunately not a rare occurrence at my job.

My foray into alternative hair removals

A little while back, when I finally decided I had to see a doctor about my menstrual situation, my doctor had me experiment with hormones to see if that would help any. It of course did not, it only served to make me even more insane than I already am and basically made my husband consider an exorcism. The experimentation didn't last long so I thought that all those little issues that are supposed to haunt you wouldn't matter to me.

Six or so months ago, Mr. Fluffy is sitting there staring at me. I finally get exasperated and ask him what was wrong and he says "I think you are growing a mustache." I freaked. I ran upstairs and stared really hard in the mirror and sure enough there were little tufts of tiny blonde hairs where there used to not be. I went through several days of denial before finally admitting to myself that I was getting a "femstache." My next little freak out was on the matter of actually removing said femstache without the damn thing coming back twice as nasty. I decided to start looking into alternative hair removal processes because shaving and plucking just was not an option.

I started with facial hair removal cream. While all in all it is a great product and does what it says, I had a bit of a drawback with it. I lost all feeling in my upper lip for 2 days. Yep, try kissing like that, it is a whole new experience.

My next experimentation was with waxing. I had already forayed into this a little with having my eyebrows waxed a few times. I actually like the clean look of it and the pain wasn't too bad. I like the way it worked on my lips and it didn't leave me feeling numb so that was a plus. I think I will stick to this one.

All this got me to wondering about other areas of my body. I don't know about you girls, but my armpit hair grows in extremely fast. If I don't shave it everyday I look like some amazonian princess or something. I decided that waxing on my eyebrows and my lips wasn't too bad so why not try the pits right? Oh my........unless you have a high pain tolerance, don't do this. I don't recommend it. My wording that night got quite colorful. I am also one of those people that if I start something, I need to finish it. So I abused myself for about 30 minutes. That is how long it took with the cussing and screaming and crying. The next day my armpits were still a little bloody and very, very raw. That's ok, it lasted quite a long time, so I think in the next few days I will be abusing myself again.

Letter to the bitch at the store

Dear woman at the store, 

I just wanted to say thank you for totally bringing to everyone's attention to me yesterday when I had my little embarrassing moment. I know that, naturally, I would usually want to keep that low key, but you were totally  right in letting everyone in the store know what exactly had happened..........repeatedly. I know that it was raining and that high heels most likely were not the best choice to wear to a grocery store to pick up something for dinner, but you see, my husband had the car and had just picked me up from work ( I work in an office ) and decided to drop by the store before heading home. 

I did notice you when we walked in. How could I not? You and your two very large friends were blocking the entire entrance, forcing people to have to actually slide between you and the door to get in. I was awed by how loud you three were when I heard you complaining of the rain and wiping down your baskets....very slowly. My plan was just to ignore you, walk on by and hope that you would stay on the other side of the store so I could shop in peace. Lo and behold, it seems fate had other plans for us. I had barely walked 10 feet from you when the unthinkable happened. 

I slipped and fell right on my toosh.

Yep, in front of the entire store my heel hit that little patch of water in the isle just right and went flying into the air. I luckily had my left hand on the basket, and in my panic had grabbed the shelves on my right, so I didn't hit as hard as I could have, but it was still a very awkward position and no one had noticed as of yet what had happened. As I struggled to pull myself up and preserve some of my dignity ( while my husband kindly stared and laughed ) you took it upon yourself to loudly announce to the store in your blaring voice:

"Oh my gawd! That lady just fell!" 

"Look at her people, she fell!"

"She just fell right there, look!"

I couldn't help but think that the appropriate way to thank you for bringing the attention of the entire store to my unfortunate condition was to hurl a rabid screeching cat in your direction. I would also like you to know that the scathing reply to your questions asking if I had "hurt my butt" were from the heart. I often use the same wording with my dear husband when he is getting on my nerves. There is just such a warm fuzzy feeling that comes over one when telling another human being "Yes! Now shut the fuck up please!"

Once again, thank you. I never would have gotten to experience that had it not been for your loud ass mouth.  I hope sometime soon you get the same fulfillment that I was given. 

Yours sincerely, 

            Lady who fell on her ass

Warning! There are lady bits in this one.....guys you might not wanna read

As most of you know, I went to my yearly gyno appointment the other day. I have fondly dubbed it my "Yearly Violation." I am sure most ladies would agree with me on that point. Seriously, is there anything worse than someone poking and prodding in your private bits with metal instruments while you stare at the walls and pretend you are anywhere but there? This one just happened to be one of the most interesting ones I have had in awhile.

My doctor is a teaching doctor, which I don't really mind at all. Several times she has had her students observe the procedures she performs on me since I am a "strange" case. I'm a guinea pig ya'll! So when the nurse once again asked me if the student could participate in my violation, I promptly said yes because it makes me feel like I am contributing something to the world. She got my vitals out of the way and ushered me into my little room and told me to get with the program and strip. 

I'm sitting there (thankfully she keeps her office quite toasty so we don't freeze our tooshies off in those little gowns) and this cute adorable little thing walks in all rainbows and sunshine. Ah, it is the student come to try her hand at the lady whose body hates her. I smile, trying to hold in my evil giggles because I know this perky little woman has no clue what she is getting into. She starts firing off her battery of questions at me and I can tell that she is quickly becoming engrossed and horrified by my answers. By the time the Nurse Practitioner comes into the room to do my exam, the little student is starting to stutter. The NP has the student start naming off everything she has learned about me. She is no longer rainbows and sunshine at this point people.  

The student listens intently while the NP and I discuss what treatments I have or have not had, what worked and did not work. She listened in abject horror when I told the NP about the hormonal insanity that ensued after my last treatment. Then we got down to business with the exam. The NP wanted me to let the student do it so I agreed. Doing my duty again. She started with the top part, which is my least favorite bit of the whole thing so thank goodness she was fast. She was getting ready to go to town down below when a funny little feeling hit me. Yep, I should not have had Mexican food for lunch on the day of my appointment. I was in horror that I might accidentally butt burp on this tiny little ray of sunshine that was currently rooting around in my lady bits quite roughly. 

She finished up quickly and practically bounced out of the room, her enthusiasm returned now that she was done with Lady Freaky Bits. The NP stayed a moment to discuss some more treatments, the whole time I am trying my best to hold in the noxious fumes warring to escape me. Finally, everyone leaves the room and I hurriedly dress and leave the building, make it outside and get relief. I make it home and Mr. Fluffy asks me how everything went. I told him the whole story and he of course laughed his butt off at me. Yep true love there folks. 

All in all this appointment will go down in my books as one of the strangest ones I have ever had. Now that I am done with that bit of over sharing, have you ever had a doctor appointment you will never forget?

It's my bubble...pop it and die

I have personal space issues. I know other people say that, but I really do. I am an introvert and I am not overly fond of physical contact with other people. It takes an awful lot of time for me to feel comfortable enough to let you touch me. I still have family members that I resist letting into my bubble. If you have a hard time understanding, read this. I know, if I am this bad how do I keep a blog? I don't have to see you or touch you so it's all good baby!

Knowing this, I got quite the shock the other day. We were out at the park and this lady who is apparently friends with everyone else came up, sat down beside me and just started talking non-stop to me. I smiled politely and kept up with some small talk and was doing pretty good in my honest opinion. We got up to say goodbye and she reaches over and hugs the crap out of me.

Have you ever grabbed a cat that didn't really want to be held? They do that whole going completely limp thing and then after a few minutes you get the ever living hell scratched out of you. I had a very hard time not panicking and not flailing out because she is sweet and I didn't want to scare her. When it was over and she left Mr. Fluffy came over with this huge grin on his face and I told him "Dude, she hugged me!" He of course laughed his ass off at me. He then proceeds to tell me that he is sorry he didn't warn me about her and that she is extremely "friendly".

I know what some people think of this reaction in me. I get a lot of questions asking if I was abused when I was younger. I can honestly tell them, I was never physically abused as a child. I was dreadfully shy though. I hated meeting new people and whenever my mother would introduce me to anyone I usually just hid behind her and tried to not see them and forcing me to say hi to them or shake their hands would usually result in me crying and screaming. I know somehow this being touched thing comes from that. I was able to start controlling myself around new people and not be as shy as I used to be. I can say hi and carry on some small chat even, but once you touch me the gambit is up and I freak out just a little. You may not see it, but those familiar with me will. They know the difference between my "I frigin LOVE you" hugs and my "Do we really have to touch?" hugs.

All innocence is lost on the Internet

So sometimes, where I work, my Partner-in-crime (front desk cronnie) and I have to find things to keep us from falling asleep. Usually we are very busy and running around like crazy, but every once in a while we have one of those days were it just seems nothing can keep our interest too long and everything is just dragging. Those are the days we usually have the most interesting conversations. Yesterday just so happened to be one of those days. This is what happened when we decided to browse the internet for a few minutes while waiting for the day to end.

Me: Do you ever wonder if you would recognize anyone on the Craigslist  male seeking female or vise versa?

PIC: No, really hadn't occurred to me.

(both decide to log onto our local Craigslist and browse)

Me: Did I just see that?!

PIC: Oh my god! What is that?

Me: (Quickly closing the browser) I don't think we should have that up. That is wrong on soooo many levels.

PIC: Did you see what I saw?

Me: Most likely, I thought it was fake at first then I realized........Oh My God! Why? My eyes burn now!

PIC: Was the one you saw.........black?

Me: Yep.

PIC: I don't think I am ever going to look in that section again.

Me: Why? Someone tell me why would you put a picture of that up on there? They seriously need some help. I think I was just mind raped.......oh my...oh my......

PIC: Oh look! It's time to go home!

Please people, Don't put pictures of your genitalia on Craigslist. You might be mentally scarring someone.

Whistle of Doom

Where I work I see plenty of things to make your toes curl. I can't go into gory details because alot of it is from our clients and well there is that whole HIPPA thing and stuff. What it all boils down to is that with all the freaked out crazy things we see on a day to day basis, the one thing in our day that makes us want to curl up under our desks and weep silent tears of horror is a simple whistle.

The way we are set up, me and my partner in crime (co- front desk goonie) face the one and only elevator in our building. we have a full service lab upstairs so all day long we have several couriers coming in and out. Two months ago, our last courier of the day switched people on us. We didn't think to much on it when the new guy walked in and without saying one word, walked into the elevator and pushed the button. That is when the whistling began. 

This isn't your normal everyday whistle of some funky or uplifting song. That of course would just annoy us. No this is on par with the creepy whistle song from Kill Bill. Here is a snippet for those of you who have yet to be exposed to it. 

Yeah, that one. Except a little slower. 

This man walks in quietly never saying one word and strolls his way to the elevator, patiently waits until it opens to allow him entrance. He then slowly turns around and waits until the door has closed halfway then he starts with the whistling. He whistles loud enough that we can hear him after the door has closed and the elevator has started moving. One of two things is going on here. First, he thinks he is whistling a dandy little tune to himself in a receptacle worthy of his fine skill and is unaware of just how creepy he is being or he has in his deranged psyche figured out just how unnerving his ditty is to us and plans to keep doing it to wear us down into a complete mental breakdown before he unveils his evil plan.  

I prefer to think it is the former one and that he isn't patiently planning our demise in some presentation worthy of a B rated horror flick. 

Just a little fun

Sometimes the funnest part of my job is using this and imagining I am beheading tiny little people.

Trolls should stay in fairy tales people

When I was a little girl reading all the nice little fairy tales that society thinks girls should be forced to read the one I would always skip over was the story about the troll and the bridge. I always hated the fact that the troll would bully whoever came along no matter what. So I would skip the story so that I wouldn't feel that rage. I was a bullied little girl, so why would I want to read about them? If I was that person in the story I would have kicked the troll in the junk and crossed that damn bridge with a perk in my step. Just because he tried bullying me.

I have always been a quiet, reserved and a leave-them-alone-if-they-leave-you-alone kinda person. I was painfully shy as a child not to mention small. This led to more aggressive kids thinking I was an easy target. Little did they know, if they pushed me too far I would kick them in the gonads. After awhile, they all learned that it was in their best interest to just leave me be. So when I see a bully, my first instinct is to hit them where it hurts.

As I have gotten older and the internet has evolved to where it is today, I once again have been subjected to people thinking I am an easy target. Sorry, but I can still kick you where it hurts. The latest "troll" in my life is someone I am unfortunately related to but only just met. We friended each other on our personal Facebook pages hoping that we could get to know each other and like each other because of a mutual person we share in our lives. I soon started to notice this person would troll people for the fun of it. Someone will post something innocuous and they will feel the need to get their troll on. I don't think this person actually realizes that what they are doing can actually harm someone. They may actually think they are just having fun and games, but internet bullying has led to so many unfortunate deaths. I find myself glad for that time in my life that toughened me up against the verbally abusive.

Now my issue is that my usual course of action with an internet bully on my personal Facebook page would be to unfriend and block them.You know, a virtual internet foot to the crotch move. Unfortunately in this case, if I do that I may cause a shit storm with that person we share contact with. I have several times posted on my page that I don't appreciate drama and will delete those who start it. Don't attack me, my other friends, or my family. This person has done all three. I had honestly hoped to get past this because we share a common person in our lives and we have many of the same interests. I just can't get past the bullying nature of this person. How they will troll someone just for the fun of it. It isn't always fun for the person you are trolling. The drawback to the internet is that we don't have to ability to see facial expressions and voice tone inflection. All we see are the words and we have to interpret those for ourselves. So if a person with low self esteem or very easily hurt feelings can't tell that you just are having fun, you can cause tremendous damage to them. If you disagree with something someone says, that doesn't mean you need to constantly attack them about it with negativity. In fact, you can keep your asinine comments to yourself. I will never understand the inability for some people to just let things be. Just know that if you continue your troll ways, someday you will run into someone alot like me and it won't be pretty.


So a little forewarning,  if I wanna cross that bridge, then you had damn well better get outta my way troll, because come hell or high water I am going to do it. Even if I have to kick a few gonads on the way across.

So called "Gamer Girls"

    I have an issue with "gamer girls."  My issue is that alot of gamer girls feel the need to sexualize the fact that females game. Really? Face it girls, most men who game will find the very fact that you game sexy enough. Yes, I know you feel the need to prove you are not a troglodyte and that in fact you are pretty to these boys. Believe me, you could have three eyes and they would be excited to find out you are female. Mr. Fluffy is constantly getting told by other men how lucky he is that his wife loves to game as much as he does, and they don't even know what I look like because they don't care.

   I stalk alot of Facebook female gamer pages, and it never fails that no matter how much they promise they are real gamers and not just "gamer girls", the inevitable picture of a women posing naked or half naked with a controller will pop up. WTH? I am there to connect with other women who game, not to see your goods! It disappoints me to see honest female gamers fall into this.

I know, I know, wrong game and wrong console but very good description

   So please girls, put your clothes back on, use the controller properly and kick some butt on the game of your choice.

I hate being a woman sometimes.........

My body hates me.


  I know every woman thinks that at least once a month, but in my case, it really does. I suffer from (careful, I'm about to toss out some giant words at you) dysmenorrhea combined with a nasty case of menorrhagia. In layman's terms, once a month for 7 days straight, my uterus violently tears itself apart while I curl into a ball and cry myself silly.

Dear uterus, I hate you.

   I have been to the doctors so that we could confirm once and for all that it wasn't cancer bringing me to my knees once a month. I underwent numerous tests that made me believe that modesty doesn't count for anything, especially when your gynecologist is a "teaching" doctor. All the nail biting and poking and prodding in the world just to find out that indeed, "No, ma'am. You don't have cancer eating you up, your uterus just doesn't like you very much." No cancer, no tumors, not even any polyps  Just one uterus, upset that I had three children in successive order along with a bout of hereditary pre-cancerous cervical lesions. Delightful.

    I have discussed treatment options and the lowest risk one of course didn't help. The other two are surgical options and I am cautious with anything surgical. Anesthesia makes me believe I am a prize fighter.Which can be hysterical for everyone else, but when it is you that is yelling obscenities from the recovery room and punching nurses it just doesn't hold the same appeal.  Nurses don't like to be punched, they tend to get very upset. But that is a story for another day!

    I really do want the treatment, which will be them taking my hateful uterus out, but in this economy it can be hard. I'm the main bread-winner in our household. If I have to take a month or more off from work, it will affect us. At the same time, I dislike how during this time, I can't cuddle with my kids because I don't even want anyone touching me. I can't hold a civil discussion to save my life. I get upset over the smallest things. I usually spend my days downing midol with a vengeance and trying my best not to be too mobile. The less I move the better I can tolerate it. I spend my evenings curled on the couch with my heating pad turned to the highest setting and trying not to growl at my loving spouse and offspring. They understand what is happening, daddy carefully explained to them that mommy is "broken." I know one day I will be able to have my surgery and I won't have to worry about all this. Until then, I will be carrying on a love affair with my heating pad for the next few days. Thank goodness for my loving family.

Manners are a dying concept

   I was going to write something today on how I have been busy and excuses for not writing. Then I had a short conversation with my boss and how we both agree that courtesy is a dying concept. The health department I work for is a "full service" health department. We don't have doctors, believe it or not health departments do not always offer medical care. We do however have an immunization clinic open to the public. My position is a dual job. My main duty is to work the front desk while my secondary position (and the funner one) is working in vital records (birth and death certificates). So my main duty forces me to deal with all the clients from all our different programs as well as answer the phones.

True

     I am a model of customer service. I have been to hours upon hours of training and for the most part I never lose my cool. But, sometimes there comes along that special kind of customer that you just wish you could beat over the head with the heaviest object at hand. My biggest peeve is the client who comes in and refuses to end their cell phone conversation so that you may effectively help them. Yesterday a lady came in and paused just long enough to tell me what she was there for before going back to her public cell convo. I calmly and unhurriedly got together the proper paperwork hoping that would give her enough time to get off the phone so I could go over the process with her. I finished and held the clipboard in my hands and then I stared at her and tried my best to non-verbally communicate to her that I needed to speak with her about the paperwork. Instead, this woman reaches across the counter, grabs the board and yanks it out of my hand then walks off without once breaking stride in her conversation. I looked at my partner in crime and my supervisor (who witnessed the entire thing) and said "How much do you wanna bet she won't fill anything out right and will try to bring it to me instead of taking it to the immunization clerk?" Sure enough, five minutes later she brings it back to us and when we told her to take it to the clinic and place it in the tray so our clerk could get the paperwork, she gets all offended and points at me and says "She never told me that!" then storms off. I cannot stress how annoying cell phones in public are. It is not that hard to tell the other person that you need to hang up because you are in an office. If it is an emergency then please take care of it before you come up to my desk. It is rude to treat me like I am an automated machine.

   Speaking of phones, when I was growing up I remember being made to watch a video at school on proper phone etiquette. Now of course it was extremely cheesy as all school videos are, but we did learn how to properly answer a phone and also how to communicate over one with a business or person. We do not answer the phone with a "Hey dude" I reserve that for my personal phone and only on people I am extremely close to. When speaking to a business it is proper to introduce yourself and in a quick proficient manner tell them what you need from them. It is not proper etiquette to tell me how sexy my phone voice is when I ask you what our health department can do for you today, there are 1-900 numbers for that. It also is not proper to demand our hours in a rude tone then to slam your phone down without so much as a thank you. The biggest thing I can't stand when someone calls in? Calling me for a phone number then pounding it in to your cell phone as I give it to you. People, that makes a god awful beeping in our ears! I finally got snarky enough with one person who did that, that she hung up on me. She asked me for the number, I give her the number. As she begins saying it back to me the horrendous BEEP......BEEP  begins. I stop talking and hold the receiver away from my ear. It takes her a minute to notice and then she says "So did I get that right?" My reply was "I really don't know ma'am, there was this loud beeping in my ear and I couldn't hear a thing you were saying to me." She hung up pretty quickly.

   So while yes, I do claim to be a model of customer service, I will be the first to call a customer on their BS. Yes, your business pays my check. Yes, without you I would be out of a job. No, you are not allowed to treat me or my colleagues as if we are less than people. I am the first to call BS on that saying "the customer is always right" crap. No, sometimes the customer is just an asshole and it is because the technology that has given us so much is taking from us the ability to communicate to each other in a courteous manner. That sense of anonymity that gives us the freedom to say what we want on the internet is trickling over into our everyday manners. So next time you walk into a business or call them, make sure you are really speaking to the person on the other side of the counter or phone. We appreciate it more than you know. We really enjoy speaking to someone who is fully committed to our exchange, no matter how trivial the matter. Also, please don't do something that you wouldn't want us doing to you. My plan on the phone, is that the next time someone starts to pound in a number while still talking to me, I too will start pounding random buttons as well.