Naked Amtgard

Sorry I really haven't posted anything lately. Frankly I just hit a wall. It isn't that nothing has been happening but the opposite, so much has been happening that I am having issues filtering everything out and figuring out what to post about. We have been very heavy into Amtgard lately. I have been playing some of the new BO2 maps and of course working my tush off at work and at home with the kids. So I have to say one of the best days of my summer came this last weekend.

We caravaned with a ton of our friends to an Amtgard event up north of us. I wasn't really expecting to enjoy myself quite so much. Just let me interject here that I am an extremely lucky woman to have a husband who isn't controlling and only slightly possessive and jealous, I adore that man. We played our hearts out that entire day and when night came we partied it up a little. Unfortunately, someone slipped Mr. Fluffy some everclear and he went down for the count for a few hours. It is his kryptonite as he told me the next morning (yes, this was the first time in our 12 year marriage that I have seen my dear hubby shitfaced drunk).  After I made sure he wasn't in any danger of being stepped on or eaten alive, I went and hung out with our out of town friends and had a blast (because honestly I was a little upset that my husband was passed out drunk and not having a blast with me, so they were trying to cheer me up). A bunch of old farts acting like teenagers again in a highly comedic way. There was some tackling, some very raunchy jokes and a very entertaining game of truth or dare with plenty of naked racing ( not me, no one needs subjected to that). There is something that is truly liberating about just letting go of everything in a group of people that you can truly trust in. There was not one moment where I felt taken advantage of or compromised. It was like hanging out with a bunch of siblings.

Later when Mr. Fluffy had slept off the majority of the everclear, he came and joined us. Had it been any other man I would have been given no end of grief over it. The fact that he takes my craziness in stride and doesn't get all pissy about it makes me love that man more every day. I couldn't imagine being with a man who was so insecure about our relationship that they couldn't handle me doing some of those things. Our trust in each other is strong, and gets stronger every year. The fact that he understands me and knows that I can handle myself without him getting all macho over me makes me giddy. That is what made that trip the best I have had all summer, and the best part of the entire evening? Falling asleep in Mr. Fluffy's arms in our tiny tent at 5 am.

Best
Husband
In
The
World.

I love you Mr. Fluffy :)

Brotherly love?

I get so tickled at my boys. I can honestly say, I didn't know what to expect when I had two sons. I grew up with three sisters and two brothers but one didn't live with us (complicated story lol) so I was never really exposed to brotherly bonding. My boys have shared a room since Smarty Pants was born. I never felt anything wrong with it seeing as how I had shared a room with my sister up through high school. It just felt like the natural thing to do.

There have been bumps in the road, to hear it from them you would think sharing a room was the ultimate in un-coolness. They never can agree whose clothes belong to who. They are forever touching each others toys. They constantly pull pranks on each other and heaven forbid if one of them dares to encroach upon the other's bed. I am constantly bombarded by the demand of  "Why can't (enter name here) just sleep out in the hall? Then I could have my own room!" "Why is it fair that Little Miss has her own room but we don't!?" "Mooooom! He is staring at my side of the rooooom!"

For all of this though, I can tell that they actually enjoy each other's company. Every night at bed time, there are the secretive whispers and giggles. When one of them isn't there you would think they had died by the way the other acts. They will complain about how silent and boring their room is when the other is gone. They will seek out me or their sister because "It's just too lonely in there without (enter name)." It is at times like these I realize, through all the bluffing and posturing and knock-down-drag-out fights that they really do care for each other. With sisters it was easier, we knew we loved each other and we stuck together like glue. My boys kept me wondering though, I was down right positive they detested each other. I just hope one day  they realize just how important they are to each other. I know I can see it, but if you ask them they will flat out deny it.

Having a mini-me isn't always flowers and sunshine

You know what no one tells you when you get pregnant with your first child? How hard it is going to be when you two fight. Let me tell you, Little Man and I fight alot. Don't get me wrong, I adore my son. I love him beyond anything in this world. When he smiles and looks at me with his giant chocolate colored eyes and eyelashes any girl would kill to have makes my heart positively soar. He is the black sheep of our children, but he is the apple of his mother's eye. Someday, some girl is going to have a problem with how much of a mamma's boy he is, but I can deal with that later. The problem now is that he is too much like myself. While I can see all the good things about myself in him, I see all my flaws as well. I want so badly for my son to be a better person than I that it leads to some awful arguments between us.

I see in him the debilitating shyness I always endured. Except, whereas I would shutdown emotionally and hide when I felt "cornered" by other people, he reacts with aggression. I cannot tell you how many times Mr. Fluffy and I have been called to the school because he hit another student. I see the temper that I inherited from my own father in him. Both my father and I are quick to anger, though we don't usually hurt anyone physically. I try very hard to be a good example for him, to show him how to effectively deal with his anger so he doesn't hurt anyone else and even put him in counseling. I see in him the same way that I react to something that seems insurmountable. When I feel overwhelmed I usually break down and rebel against it. He does the same thing.

I want my son to be a better person than me. I see in him the ability to be better and do better than me. This is where many of our arguments start.

This week has been a test of my ability to cope with someone so similar to myself. Last weekend my son decided that he wanted to fight in Amtgard. Mr. Fluffy and I set down two rules. He wanted Little Man to keep up on his chores, I wanted one week without him getting in trouble at school. The first day at school, he gets his phone (it's for emergencies only) taken up at school, because instead of listening to his teacher he decided that his phone was more interesting and took it out of his backpack and had it in his desk. We told him that he would have to earn back his phone since I have to pay them to return it to me. I was willing to let that slide as to the getting in trouble at school rule. What was his reaction when we told him all this? He immediately told us how unfair we were being and then stoutly refused to do any chores at all all week long. I let his father deal with the chore issue because I just wasn't up to arguing about it. Then yesterday, I got a call from his teacher informing me that the rebellion had continued at school. She said that all week long, my son had only completed one assignment of his homework and schoolwork. Feeling like a failure of a mother  for trusting my eleven year old to not lie to me and not hovering over him every minute until he had finished his homework, I resolutely told her to send everything he didn't get done that day home and I would make sure he got every bit of it done. Needless to say he was not very happy with me. I then proceeded to call my mother and inform her that she needed the kids there this weekend or she was going to end up without a daughter.

This morning we both got up and eyeballed each other. Who would be the first to make a move? Who was going to bring up this weekend first (I hadn't informed him at this point he was spending it at grandma's house)? Then the sword to my heart was delivered with these words "I'm really really looking forward to fighting on the field this weekend mom!" How do I deal with that? So I slowly looked at him and said "You are going to Grandma's this weekend with the other two." All hell broke loose. The tears came from both of us and the claims of how unfair it all was tore my heart apart. I knew that if I backed down for one minute I would fall apart and he would never learn the lesson I was trying to teach him. Eventually he stormed off to his room and cried to his brother about their cruel, cruel mother. I patiently waited until I couldn't hear anymore sorrowful pleas of understanding and instead heard them giggling. I called him back downstairs. He slowly walked down and gave me that look that said he was pretty sure I was going to send him to a remote island. I calmly asked him if he understood why he was being denied the privilege of getting to go out his weekend and if he understood that it wasn't anyone's fault but his own. He said he did realize that it was his fault he was in trouble, he shouldn't have played with his phone and he understood how important his schoolwork is. You see, he wants to be a game designer when he grows up (squee!) and he is smart enough to do so. I also believe that with his proclivity to be alone it would be a career that would suit him perfectly. We hugged, we cried a little more and then I sent him on his way to school. I know this won't be our last fight as it certainly wasn't our first. What I do know is that as much as it hurts for us to fight, I can't back down because I am making him a better person than I am and someday all the tears and hurt feelings will pay off. In the meantime, all I can do is stand my ground while making sure he knows I love him.

Hell yeah! Got my roses! Happy Valentine's Day

HA!

I guess you could even say a Monkey Man delivered them too since it was Mr. Fluffy :)  I  have to admit though, I have a very sweet man. My boss lost her husband a few years back so he bought her roses as well. That just might have been a tad sweeter than him bringing them for me..............almost :P

Have a Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

P.S. This isn't my actual gift yet. He hasn't quite finished that yet. 

I'm still alive

I'm still here! I have just been so incredibly busy. We bought a new bed this weekend and a whole bunch of other stuff we had been putting off. I have been home mainly to just eat and sleep. I did decide to share something pretty awesome with you though :)

BAM! Isn't that a beauty!

My very own dragon egg!

With this "late christmas" present my husband got himself assaulted with hugs and kisses and then ignored for 2 hours. I have been informed my valentines present is still a secret. Let's hope it's as awesome as this :)

Our gaming obsession and why I love it

  Mr. Fluffy and I are both "gamers."  We both play numerous games and platforms. We quite enjoy our little mutual hobby. We both got into WoW for many years together, we both like the Call of Duty games and we love to hunt down new games and try them out. For many people, they think this means that one of us must like a game the other enjoys. Not true. I don't really understand his obsession with Fallout and he doesn't really get into Borderlands the way I do. I obsess over all the tiny details in the Fable series, he spends hours running in circles on Skyrim. While he used to fuss over his guns and home in Star Wars Universe, I would get bored and put my character into a perpetual dance and walk away. That is what I really love about us both being gamers. Yes, we do play many, many games together that we both like but it allows us the freedom to find something we like as an individual. I don't begrudge him his time alone on Skyrim (I myself have never even felt the urge to try it), in fact many times I will be next to him on the couch reading a book or talking to him while he plays it. I will ask him questions about what is going on and he loves bragging on his character and what all it can do. He does the same with me. Our conversations usually run like this:

"What is going on now?"

"Oh well, remember I was doing so and so?"

"Yeah"

"Well that escalated to this and now I'm blowing things up for the heck of it and I think I just might have to start over because I blew all my money and I really needed this <random object> by now"

"Ah that sucks"

I'm really glad that out of all the hobbies my husband and I could have it would be gaming. Something so diverse that we do not get bored easily and we can find something we both like together as well as separately.

I will get them one way or another, hehehehe

While we were getting ready for bed last night, Mr. Fluffy decided to grill me on what I wanted for Valentines day. Yeah, he lacks a tiny bit in the spontaneity department.

Mr. Fluffy: Hey, tell me what you want for Valentines day.

Me: Roses, as in multiple (he RARELY buys me flowers)

Mr. Fluffy: Roses *extreme look of disgust on his face*

Me: Yep, roses.

Mr. Fluffy: I was going to buy you season one and two of Game of Thrones.

Me: Ooooo, ok well then that and roses. I could definitely enjoy that gift!

Mr. Fluffy: How about I get a dancing monkey man to come to your job to give you the roses? *Smug look on his face*

Me: I don't care, I would dance with him because I would have roses! YAY!!

Mr.Fluffy: I bet you would freak.

I am determined to get roses on Valentines day. I can count on one hand how many times my husband has bought me flowers and I am getting tired of being the only woman where I work who doesn't get them. I absolutely adore roses.

Thanks for being mine

  I have to say I am a pretty lucky girl when it comes to my husband. Yeah, he my not be the most responsible person. For the most part he is a man child (Aren't they all?). He drives me crazy half the time. He doesn't pick up after himself, he leaves a mess wherever he goes, and can't ever seem to close a cabinet door (bane of my existence, my head is attracted to them).

   But, for all his faults, he is very protective of his family. He would stand on a street corner and sell the last shirt he had to pay for something the kids or I needed. When something is wrong with us, he is right there with us. He is a very attentive husband. Most people are surprised to learn this about him, because he is one of those guys who people lock their car doors around just because of his appearance, but is really a giant sweetie.

   Yesterday, I told you how my body hates me. During this, Mr. Fluffy takes care of me. He makes sure I am comfortable, gets my heating pad for me and basically babies me. Last night was a particularly rough night. We sat on the couch and watched Heroes while I clung to my heating pad for dear life and he rubbed my legs. When it was time for bed, I made my way upstairs while he locked up. He brought my pad upstairs, helped me into bed, then............he sang me a song.

  Mr. Fluffy doesn't sing. Mr. Fluffy doesn't even dance. But last night he did.

  It was very, very sweet. He put on the music, a song I didn't even know he knew I loved, laid beside me and sang to me as he rubbed my back. He did all of this, just so I would smile. Because he knew it had been rough dealing with clients all day and getting everything I needed to get done all while dealing with the pain and not letting it show. He knew I needed to smile just a little. As long as I can keep smiling, it isn't so bad.

  All morning long, I have had that song in my head. I'm still in pain, still not able to show it, and still having to do my everyday business. But, now.........now I'm smiling.

What I think some misunderstand about marriage

     I really don't like people developing preconceptions about me. I do not like hearing the words "You would do <enter random crap>."  My first response is usually "How would you know? Are you me?" I don't even know what I will do until the situation is on me. Another thing that people are surprised to learn about me is that I don't dwell on my husband's past. We both did things and have people in our past that we would rather just stayed there. If something happens to rear it's ugly head in our present, neither one of us will judge the other or get angry about it. It happened before "us".

     Recently my husband has had a person from his past contacting him. Now of course, I will not go into the details as it is 1) very personal and 2) not my place to share details. Someone else close to us learned of this and was surprised that I wasn't foaming at the mouth. Why would I? They happened before I even knew him and therefore I have no say in the matter. Now, if he asks me for my opinion, I will give it to him but I will always let him know that ultimately the end result will be of his doing. I will stand by him no matter what. I'm his wife and partner, not his owner.

    He does the same with me.

    So while some people find us strange, I find it strange that couples would pass judgment on each other for things that happened before their relationship started. If you were going to do that, then you should have done it at the beginning. Your marriage is a partnership, not an ownership. You don't have to like what the past brings to your door, but you also have no right to pass judgement. Be supportive and if asked give your opinions but don't take over the situation.

I'm surprised I'm not single ;)

Day off

Still in my jammies and robe

So I follow Mr. Fluffy around randomly hitting him with my robe's sash and making king fu noises.

There is a reason we are married, only he could put up with my weirdness.

Why I might seem a little cookoo

I thought that today I would discuss my children. I won’t go into specifics but I will talk about their personalities a bit.

Little Man is my oldest. He is my momma's boy. I call him little man because he worries about the most adult things. He has actually started worrying about our family budget. I find it endearing, but at the same time I tell him to enjoy being a kid and don’t worry about if we can afford this or that, daddy and I will always find a way. The little part is, well, he is pretty darn short. He should be at least half a foot taller for his age but he just isn't growing much. When he talked to the doctor about this, one of the first words to come up was dwarfism. My son’s first worry? “Mom will I have to work in a mine?” I admit, I laughed then I told him that no we would just give him a battle ax and let him grow an awesome beard. He liked that much better.

Smarty pants is our middle child. He has the classic middle child syndrome which is no end of aggravation, but he is also my sweetest child. Just the other day in a store, we were walking by and one of the employees dropped something and he ran over and picked it up for her since her arms were full. He randomly does things like this. It makes my heart swell. So why call him Smarty Pants? This is why; he is helping do laundry one day. He comes up to me with one of my shirts and says “Mom, this shirt is too little for Little Miss.” I reply back that the shirt is indeed not Little Miss’s shirt, but mine. His response, “Well then, this shirt is too little for you.” Then he runs off cackling to his room. His first day of school he walks up to his teacher and informs him that he isn't there to learn, he is there to have fun. Needless to say this teacher has been no end of grief for Mr. Fluffy and I. He does this constantly. Everyday is a battle between being proud of my son for how sweet and considerate he can be and wanting to lock him in his room for his smarty pants ways.

Little Miss is my little princess. She is the epitome of girlishness. Her room is bedecked in pink and glitter from ceiling to floor. Her closet is mounds of pink fluff and glitter and she has nearly everyone she meets wrapped around her finger. Beautiful blonde haired, blue eyed girl with dimples you can drown in and within minutes of walking into a room she can have everyone waiting on her hand and foot. She also is short like her oldest brother but she isn't bothered by this, it adds to her boundless charm. Much to my chagrin, she has been spoiled since birth. You see we tried to have a girl for a long time. When we finally got pregnant with her, it wasn't at the best of times and I told my husband that either way, boy or girl, this was to be our last pregnancy (I hated being pregnant and had been having some bad female issues at the time). So, lo and behold, we had our much anticipated little girl and right off she was very sickly. She got every little illness that a baby wasn't supposed to get. She spent much of her first 3 years in and out of emergency rooms and on breathing treatments. She has since grown out of much of it but we did spoil her rotten during that time. Thank goodness she didn't turn out to be much of a brat. She loves to help do chores and if her brothers do something, she insists that she be allowed also.

My children are my life line. They make me crazy and yet keep me going on. I can’t wait to see how they turn out as they grow older. 

Hello my loves :)

      This is my first blog and first blog post. 

      Now that I have that out of the way, I am a first time blogger and this is just something I have thought of doing for some time now. Let me introduce myself. My name is Cassie. I will leave out my last name because I am just a bit paranoid that way. When I get more comfortable with all of this I will eventually share more info. I love to game. I play MMOs, FPS, just about any console game, and I used to roleplay (not the dirty kind people, the nerdy kind).I also do the occasional crafty thing. I have three children, I shall refer to them as Little Miss, Smarty Pants, and Little Man. I have been married for 11 years to my wonderful husband, who I shall refer to as Mr. Fluffy or the hubs. I call him Mr. Fluffy because since we have been together he has turned from a sleek and handsome guy into a sleek and handsome Sasquatch. I still love him though, even if sometimes he makes me contemplate if I could live with maiming him.

     I would welcome and appreciate input into how I am doing and helpful criticisms. I don't want a ton of drama or trolling as this is to be my outlet. A place for me to put out into the wide world all my random thoughts and musings. I will try to keep things lighthearted, but as I do have a condition that makes me emotionally volatile, I might have the occasional rant or depressing post.

    Aaand now we have gotten through with that, HI! Hello to all of you and I look forward to our journey together.