Attack of the Slime!

I bet some of you think I chose the name Little Gamer Mommy to be cute. Well I was being quite literal. I'm not little as in toothpick proportions, I am short. 5'3" to be exact. Being short has its pros and cons. Such as, I can't reach things on the top shelf of the cabinet, but I don't have to worry about knocking my head on a door frame. I don't like heights, so being short is a blessing. Sometimes though, being short can be a real bummer, as I learned this morning.

We have two TV sets set up at our entrances at work. They have been showing people how to put on a mask for months now.

This thing is like three feet taller than I am. The top of my head comes to the bottom of the TV

My boss has tasked me with making sure these are running every morning. The DVD player is in the back behind the TV  This presents a problem as I have to scroll through some stuff to choose the right program so i need to see the TV as well as point the remote at the DVD player. You can probably see where this is going. See that white thing on the side? That is an automatic hand sanitizer dispenser. You stick your hand under and get a handful of gloopy sanitizer in your palm. My usual routine in the mornings is to use my left hand to point at the DVD player while precariously balancing around so I can see the screen of the TV. This morning however, I just wasn't getting a good look so I leaned in a bit towards the whole set up. 

The first thing I heard was the mechanical fart sound of the dispenser. My brain however, still being caffeine deprived this early, didn't register what this actually meant until I felt a cold, wet slime puddle in the crook of my elbow and start sliding down my arm. I had hugged so close to the dispenser that I had actually put my arm under the sensor and set it off. 

Now I know that it was just hand sanitizer and that it wasn't going to hurt me, but I dare you to glob a handful of that in the crook of your elbow first thing in the morning and see how well you deal with it. My reaction was to cry out in surprise and then let out a very fluent string of curse words while my boss sat back and giggled his butt off. Don't worry, I will get him back for that. He knows it too, that is why he is now avoiding me. Oh and yes, it did occur to me afterwards that I could just roll it away from the wall and go around the other side, but you know it's that whole path of least resistance thing.

P.S. There is nothing that can cheer you up like seeing a big burly biker come in and have to use one of your frilly rose pens to fill out his forms. : )

The Devil is a machine......honestly

     So, we have obtained a neat little gadget at my work. It is a Tanita Health Ware Scale. Every woman in the building has gone crazy for this thing and a strange new trend of healthy eating and joining gyms has cropped up.Guess what? We all blame that evil machine.

    This thing doesn't just measure your weight. Oh no, that wouldn't be demoralizing enough. It measures your BMI, body fat %, body fat mass, body fat range, fat free mass, visceral fat rating, body water %, body water mass, muscle mass, bone mass, basal metabolic age, daily calorie intake, and degree of obesity. Yeah I don't like that last number at all. You would expect nice language from such a high tech machine right? Nope! My body fat range is overfat. That's right, not overweight. I am overFAT.

  So after two weeks of avoiding the Devil Machine and using the stairs more often, I decided to try it again. You know, maybe it was just having a bad day and would be nicer this time. Well, it was a bit nicer. It is still calling me overfat but I am improving in areas and that made me feel better, but then I noticed something strange.

I hate you Devil Machine! 

Uh....what?

  You see, the very first time it told me that since I am, you know, short that I should only weigh 114 pounds. I haven't weighed that since high school! So I was checking out the next one and now apparently it has changed it's mind to 124 pounds. So is this some kind of evil plan where the more I lose weight, the more I can actually weigh? So for every pound I lose I can weigh an extra 10? I'm sure there is some muscle thing or body water mass algorithm it is using to come up with this number, but it is confusing.

Edit: Since actually writing this and talking to some of the other women who got on it, most of their first readings were giving an IBW of 114.6 also. So I am thinking Devil Machine just wanted all of us to drop some weight so us overfat people would quit stepping on it. Good one, Devil Machine.