Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Warning! There are lady bits in this one.....guys you might not wanna read

As most of you know, I went to my yearly gyno appointment the other day. I have fondly dubbed it my "Yearly Violation." I am sure most ladies would agree with me on that point. Seriously, is there anything worse than someone poking and prodding in your private bits with metal instruments while you stare at the walls and pretend you are anywhere but there? This one just happened to be one of the most interesting ones I have had in awhile.

My doctor is a teaching doctor, which I don't really mind at all. Several times she has had her students observe the procedures she performs on me since I am a "strange" case. I'm a guinea pig ya'll! So when the nurse once again asked me if the student could participate in my violation, I promptly said yes because it makes me feel like I am contributing something to the world. She got my vitals out of the way and ushered me into my little room and told me to get with the program and strip. 

I'm sitting there (thankfully she keeps her office quite toasty so we don't freeze our tooshies off in those little gowns) and this cute adorable little thing walks in all rainbows and sunshine. Ah, it is the student come to try her hand at the lady whose body hates her. I smile, trying to hold in my evil giggles because I know this perky little woman has no clue what she is getting into. She starts firing off her battery of questions at me and I can tell that she is quickly becoming engrossed and horrified by my answers. By the time the Nurse Practitioner comes into the room to do my exam, the little student is starting to stutter. The NP has the student start naming off everything she has learned about me. She is no longer rainbows and sunshine at this point people.  

The student listens intently while the NP and I discuss what treatments I have or have not had, what worked and did not work. She listened in abject horror when I told the NP about the hormonal insanity that ensued after my last treatment. Then we got down to business with the exam. The NP wanted me to let the student do it so I agreed. Doing my duty again. She started with the top part, which is my least favorite bit of the whole thing so thank goodness she was fast. She was getting ready to go to town down below when a funny little feeling hit me. Yep, I should not have had Mexican food for lunch on the day of my appointment. I was in horror that I might accidentally butt burp on this tiny little ray of sunshine that was currently rooting around in my lady bits quite roughly. 

She finished up quickly and practically bounced out of the room, her enthusiasm returned now that she was done with Lady Freaky Bits. The NP stayed a moment to discuss some more treatments, the whole time I am trying my best to hold in the noxious fumes warring to escape me. Finally, everyone leaves the room and I hurriedly dress and leave the building, make it outside and get relief. I make it home and Mr. Fluffy asks me how everything went. I told him the whole story and he of course laughed his butt off at me. Yep true love there folks. 

All in all this appointment will go down in my books as one of the strangest ones I have ever had. Now that I am done with that bit of over sharing, have you ever had a doctor appointment you will never forget?

Friday, April 19, 2013


So the past few days have been a real roller-coaster for me. Wednesday we had a bitch of a windstorm so of course my almost non existent allergies kicked in and I woke up feeling like I was swallowing crushed glass. This went on into Thursday were I lost my voice and also had my yearly violation (pap) appointment. The doctor was very enthusiastic about getting me to do a certain surgery that would help solve some of my monthly agony. I got very excited about it and asked her about my out of pocket expenses. She said she would have her receptionist look that up and give me a call........well today I got that call and I am heartbroken. Three grand. Three grand to go into her office for a procedure that would take upmost of 30 minutes and a little ibuprofen. Looks like I will be saving up for sometime.

On the other hand, I had Mr. Fluffy get me a small little elliptical for me to work out on. I'm so excited about it. I put the entire thing together myself and am anxious to try it out today when I get home. Other than that, I am just too depressed right now to write much. I was very much looking forward to some relief and to find out that I can't have it right now dashed my hopes. So I am going to go sit in a corner for a bit and brood on why shit has to be so damn expensive.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Brotherly love?

I get so tickled at my boys. I can honestly say, I didn't know what to expect when I had two sons. I grew up with three sisters and two brothers but one didn't live with us (complicated story lol) so I was never really exposed to brotherly bonding. My boys have shared a room since Smarty Pants was born. I never felt anything wrong with it seeing as how I had shared a room with my sister up through high school. It just felt like the natural thing to do.

There have been bumps in the road, to hear it from them you would think sharing a room was the ultimate in un-coolness. They never can agree whose clothes belong to who. They are forever touching each others toys. They constantly pull pranks on each other and heaven forbid if one of them dares to encroach upon the other's bed. I am constantly bombarded by the demand of  "Why can't (enter name here) just sleep out in the hall? Then I could have my own room!" "Why is it fair that Little Miss has her own room but we don't!?" "Mooooom! He is staring at my side of the rooooom!"

For all of this though, I can tell that they actually enjoy each other's company. Every night at bed time, there are the secretive whispers and giggles. When one of them isn't there you would think they had died by the way the other acts. They will complain about how silent and boring their room is when the other is gone. They will seek out me or their sister because "It's just too lonely in there without (enter name)." It is at times like these I realize, through all the bluffing and posturing and knock-down-drag-out fights that they really do care for each other. With sisters it was easier, we knew we loved each other and we stuck together like glue. My boys kept me wondering though, I was down right positive they detested each other. I just hope one day  they realize just how important they are to each other. I know I can see it, but if you ask them they will flat out deny it.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Rant about my kid's school

Can I just say how much I hate dealing with my children's school?  I have fairly smart children. They aren't genius kids or anything but they are not walking around with air between their ears either. Our school district loves to hire "new" teachers or promote someone from one thing (my daughter's teacher was the school librarian until this year) to a teaching position. While I understand that these people have to start somewhere in their teaching careers, I just wish my kids wouldn't get them every single year. With Little Man, they never know how to handle his hair trigger temper. Sassy Pants always seems to get the teachers who have never in their entire lives dealt with a head strong kid before, and Little Miss is learning this year that she can't just get by on how cute she is. Sassy Pants teacher and I just are butting heads this year. Talking to that man is like beating your head against a brick wall. Not going to get anything out of it but a splitting headache. Sassy Pants talks. Anytime he can have his mouth running it is. He is a non stop chatter box. I warned his teacher of this. When they line up to go anywhere, the teacher tells them to be quiet and not talk, so of course my son has to talk. They have a color system for when they are in trouble.

Purple - excellent day!
Blue - Great day!
Green- good but not anything to brag about (this is where my kids thrive)
Yellow - not bad but had to be warned once
Orange - getting worse, second warning
Red - basically your screwed. We will call and email both your parents and you are possibly getting ISS (in school suspension)

So yesterday Sassy Pant's teacher decides that he isn't going to give him any warnings anymore. If he gets in trouble for the littlest thing he will automatically go from where ever he was on the list to red. If he gets red he gets grounded at home. His teacher knows this and has decided to use it against my son as a sort of blackmail. Be extremely good or I will put you on red! WTF?! Really? You are going to emotionally blackmail my son into behaving a little better so you don't have to stop being lazy and deal with him? You can't tell me in that whole class of 21 kids that my son is the worst. I know he loves to talk and will most likely be named class clown but he isn't violent or anything. Then, he calls Mr. Fluffy, who just happened to be taking a test and forgot to silence his phone so he automatically failed the test, just to tell him that Sassy Pants had not been turning in homework for three weeks. Really? Why didn't you tell us sooner?! This man has both of our email addresses and phone numbers so there is no reason why he could not reach us sooner than this. Why wait three damn weeks to say anything at all? I am so frustrated with their school that I just want to scream. They refuse to keep us in the loop on anything then cry about it when we don't know what is going on.

Monday, April 8, 2013

It's my bubble...pop it and die

I have personal space issues. I know other people say that, but I really do. I am an introvert and I am not overly fond of physical contact with other people. It takes an awful lot of time for me to feel comfortable enough to let you touch me. I still have family members that I resist letting into my bubble. If you have a hard time understanding, read this. I know, if I am this bad how do I keep a blog? I don't have to see you or touch you so it's all good baby!

Knowing this, I got quite the shock the other day. We were out at the park and this lady who is apparently friends with everyone else came up, sat down beside me and just started talking non-stop to me. I smiled politely and kept up with some small talk and was doing pretty good in my honest opinion. We got up to say goodbye and she reaches over and hugs the crap out of me.

Have you ever grabbed a cat that didn't really want to be held? They do that whole going completely limp thing and then after a few minutes you get the ever living hell scratched out of you. I had a very hard time not panicking and not flailing out because she is sweet and I didn't want to scare her. When it was over and she left Mr. Fluffy came over with this huge grin on his face and I told him "Dude, she hugged me!" He of course laughed his ass off at me. He then proceeds to tell me that he is sorry he didn't warn me about her and that she is extremely "friendly".

I know what some people think of this reaction in me. I get a lot of questions asking if I was abused when I was younger. I can honestly tell them, I was never physically abused as a child. I was dreadfully shy though. I hated meeting new people and whenever my mother would introduce me to anyone I usually just hid behind her and tried to not see them and forcing me to say hi to them or shake their hands would usually result in me crying and screaming. I know somehow this being touched thing comes from that. I was able to start controlling myself around new people and not be as shy as I used to be. I can say hi and carry on some small chat even, but once you touch me the gambit is up and I freak out just a little. You may not see it, but those familiar with me will. They know the difference between my "I frigin LOVE you" hugs and my "Do we really have to touch?" hugs.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

This is not a real post, I'm tired and bored so...........

I have been dealing with bitchy parents and grumpy kids all week long so instead of writing something rage filled I will give you a picture of me being epic. Behold!

I'm a super hero! Swoosh bitches!

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

I'm a glutton for punishment :)

I love horror games. Love, love, love them! BUT.....I can only play them when either someone else is there or during the day because I have a very active imagination and I tend to scare the dickens out of myself. One of my faves is Fatal Frame. I know its an oldie but I still get creeped out playing it. That thrill that goes through you when something unexpected happens and your left with your controller half way across the room and curled in the fetal position alternately crying and laughing is just the best.

So imagine my delight when I heard about Slender, a game where I would not be able to defend myself, just run like a mad person. I watched all the hilarious videos on YouTube, read all the articles I could find and then finally talked myself into downloading it. My overwhelming anticipation was dowsed when I found out my computer hated the game. I could load it and move but it was so choppy that I would never have a chance against Slendy. I tried adjusting it every way I could think and it was still the same. So I was highly disappointed. I am going to try again. Going to delete some games that I never play anymore and see if that works, maybe adjust my actual computer settings. If that doesn't work I will sick Mr. Fluffy on it.

About six months ago I learned that Blue Isle Studios had so much great success with Slender that they were making a new game called Slender: The Arrival. Of course I became obsessed again. I haven't been able to download it yet, though I am getting it soon. I was so excited and I wanted to see it in action, so the other night while Mr. Fluffy was visiting with one our friends I decided that I would look and see if anyone had uploaded game play of it yet. O M Gosh! First off the guy playing it is extremely funny. Here is his YouTube channel . He has some really great ones up, BUT back to the story. I was watching it and I suddenly realized that it was quiet. Mr. Fluffy and our friend had decided to watch it with me (though Mr. Fluffy really had no choice because I was sitting on him. Hey, you steal my computer chair you become the computer chair.). After about two minutes into the second part they had both moved away from me because I was jumping and screaming so much they were fearing bodily harm. It was terrifying but in a good way. I can't wait to buy a copy for myself and play it.

I love horror games :D

Monday, April 1, 2013

The reason I was unable to walk much this weekend

As I have for the past few weekends, I accompanied  Mr. Fluffy on Saturday out to the Amtgard field. What was different this time was that he had convinced me before hand that I should join them in fighting. First off, I am not a very physically fit person. I have three children and hold down a full time job, so when it came to exercising or relaxing on the couch after dealing with immature crybabies at work and my very adorable yet annoying children at home.....well, relaxing just seemed way more appealing. Lately though, I have taken a renewed interest in myself. I don't want my "mommy" figure any longer. I wish to feel on the outside how I feel on the inside and it doesn't match up currently. Secondly, because of my weight gain, I am quite slow now. So keep these two things in mind while you watch the following video:

Yep that blonde lady getting her ass owned, that is me. There is even one part where I am just sitting down enjoying everyone else fighting, yeah I tripped and just said screw it. I am not the most graceful of people. I fell, I got owned everytime I turned around and am still sore two days later......but I had a ton of fun. 

So I have decided that along with buying a workout machine for myself (because screw going to a gym in front of other people, nu uh!) and with Amtgard, that I can get back to a normal size. The side benefit being that I can beat on my husband legally if I want :)