Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Warning! There are lady bits in this one.....guys you might not wanna read

As most of you know, I went to my yearly gyno appointment the other day. I have fondly dubbed it my "Yearly Violation." I am sure most ladies would agree with me on that point. Seriously, is there anything worse than someone poking and prodding in your private bits with metal instruments while you stare at the walls and pretend you are anywhere but there? This one just happened to be one of the most interesting ones I have had in awhile.

My doctor is a teaching doctor, which I don't really mind at all. Several times she has had her students observe the procedures she performs on me since I am a "strange" case. I'm a guinea pig ya'll! So when the nurse once again asked me if the student could participate in my violation, I promptly said yes because it makes me feel like I am contributing something to the world. She got my vitals out of the way and ushered me into my little room and told me to get with the program and strip. 

I'm sitting there (thankfully she keeps her office quite toasty so we don't freeze our tooshies off in those little gowns) and this cute adorable little thing walks in all rainbows and sunshine. Ah, it is the student come to try her hand at the lady whose body hates her. I smile, trying to hold in my evil giggles because I know this perky little woman has no clue what she is getting into. She starts firing off her battery of questions at me and I can tell that she is quickly becoming engrossed and horrified by my answers. By the time the Nurse Practitioner comes into the room to do my exam, the little student is starting to stutter. The NP has the student start naming off everything she has learned about me. She is no longer rainbows and sunshine at this point people.  

The student listens intently while the NP and I discuss what treatments I have or have not had, what worked and did not work. She listened in abject horror when I told the NP about the hormonal insanity that ensued after my last treatment. Then we got down to business with the exam. The NP wanted me to let the student do it so I agreed. Doing my duty again. She started with the top part, which is my least favorite bit of the whole thing so thank goodness she was fast. She was getting ready to go to town down below when a funny little feeling hit me. Yep, I should not have had Mexican food for lunch on the day of my appointment. I was in horror that I might accidentally butt burp on this tiny little ray of sunshine that was currently rooting around in my lady bits quite roughly. 

She finished up quickly and practically bounced out of the room, her enthusiasm returned now that she was done with Lady Freaky Bits. The NP stayed a moment to discuss some more treatments, the whole time I am trying my best to hold in the noxious fumes warring to escape me. Finally, everyone leaves the room and I hurriedly dress and leave the building, make it outside and get relief. I make it home and Mr. Fluffy asks me how everything went. I told him the whole story and he of course laughed his butt off at me. Yep true love there folks. 

All in all this appointment will go down in my books as one of the strangest ones I have ever had. Now that I am done with that bit of over sharing, have you ever had a doctor appointment you will never forget?

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