Monday, January 21, 2013
What I think some misunderstand about marriage
I really don't like people developing preconceptions about me. I do not like hearing the words "You would do <enter random crap>." My first response is usually "How would you know? Are you me?" I don't even know what I will do until the situation is on me. Another thing that people are surprised to learn about me is that I don't dwell on my husband's past. We both did things and have people in our past that we would rather just stayed there. If something happens to rear it's ugly head in our present, neither one of us will judge the other or get angry about it. It happened before "us".
Recently my husband has had a person from his past contacting him. Now of course, I will not go into the details as it is 1) very personal and 2) not my place to share details. Someone else close to us learned of this and was surprised that I wasn't foaming at the mouth. Why would I? They happened before I even knew him and therefore I have no say in the matter. Now, if he asks me for my opinion, I will give it to him but I will always let him know that ultimately the end result will be of his doing. I will stand by him no matter what. I'm his wife and partner, not his owner.
He does the same with me.
So while some people find us strange, I find it strange that couples would pass judgment on each other for things that happened before their relationship started. If you were going to do that, then you should have done it at the beginning. Your marriage is a partnership, not an ownership. You don't have to like what the past brings to your door, but you also have no right to pass judgement. Be supportive and if asked give your opinions but don't take over the situation.